I mean, literally. Just sucks a big, veiny, dick. But I digress. As you can tell from the headline, college life (and work life, but that is a different story) just sort of took my real life and ran with it this past semester. Like they were Olympian runners. You're not Bruce Jenner, College. Quit trying to run away with shit. So I have decided to do two things:
1. I will be holding myself to the standard of blogging once a week. Every Sunday I'll post a new entry. Even if I'm feeling particularly uninspired, I will post a page of pure stream of consciousness thinking, or my grocery list, or a list of all of the shit I'm currently procrastinating doing. Even if that's all I can think of, it'll be up here.
2. I will absolutely not, not EVER, lose myself in school, or work, or any project or person, the way I've kind of lost myself in college in general, but this past year in particular, ever again. Seriously. Just no. Which brings me to the real topic of this entry...
I have always been particularly high-strung. I've also always been very ambitious and very unafraid of admitting what I want out of life and willing to work for those things. This made me convinced that I needed to do certain things to help realize my ambitions that I didn't really want to do, but that's ok because the world is just not a wish granting factory. You can't get what you want all the time but if you just stick it out with the shit you'll get what you want in the end. Um, yeah fuck that. I worked my ass off for 4 years between school and various jobs. And now I'm feeling like that was all sort of wasted time. I was so convinced that I had to get the best grades because nursing school was so competitive (which is sort of true, but the stress I put on myself to get in was of absolutely no help and I really wound up being admitted in spite of all of my self-destructive stressing, not because of it) and so convinced that I had to work constantly (p.s. I really didn't need to) that there were times over the last 4 years when I made myself really, really unhappy. And now I don't feel like suffering through all of that shit has got me to a better place. This is not a bitching blog post. In general, my life is hella-fucking-awesome. I have the most amazing family (so supportive of all my aspirations, even the ones they don't totally agree with), sincere friends, and a comfortable living situation. Already better off than ~60% of the earth's population already. But with the insight I now have, I've decided to give you a list of things I would have done differently if given another crack at college living.
1. Asked myself what would have made ME happiest to get out of college life, then picked a school based on that. Instead I saw and heard a lot about what college was supposed to be like: parties, sex, last minute cramming, and lots and lots of ramen. I took all of that and without much introspection or insight thought, "Yeah, that sounds good! Let's pick a college based on that!" I think I would have been a lot happier if I'd taken a moment to ask myself if that was really what I wanted. I also would not have gone to a state school where the majority of the undergrad population belongs to some greek organization or is involved in a hard core Christian/Baptist student organization. I would also not have chosen a place where all of the girls wear the same.fucking.thing.all.the.fucking.time. I don't care how much you love Vera Bradley and Northface, or how comfy Uggs supposedly are (by the way, they're ugly as fuck in case you were wondering). Most of you are wearing this crap because it's trendy. Stop lying to yourself.
2. Picked a cause and an organization to get involved in. You have to get involved to make friends in college. It really doesn't just magically happen. Plus, I'm so passionate about so many things I regret not taking that passion and using it to advance something worthwhile.
3. WORKED LESS!!! There is such a thing as balance. I'm apparently not very good at it... yet
4. Exercised regularly. It's not just about keeping weight off. We are one lazy-ass nation. When I would go through a phase of religiously exercising every day I felt AMAZING! I focused better, I had more energy, and I just felt less stressed and more confident in general.
5. Walked outside occasionally. Even though the college I went to for my first two years (when I realized I hated it I transferred back home so I could commute and save money) was not for me, it had a gorgeous campus. I might have done a lot of walking in between classroom buildings, but I wish I had just taken some time to just be outside and enjoy it.
6. Made a habit of studying right after class to help retain more information and make all-nighters a little less necessary. So I still don't know if I would or could do it, but cramming sucks serious balls. I mean I really hate it. I can just be so lazy sometimes.
7. Blown off my friends for work a lot less. Seriously, the fact that I still have any is more a testament to their awesomeness than mine.
8. Been honest about how hard it was. Every time I got on facebook I felt like everyone was posting pictures from some amazing party they went to with their new friends and it just made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Honesty is not usually something I struggle with, but I was pretty unwilling to admit, even to myself sometimes, that the social side of college was a struggle for me. It just felt like failure, especially since I was so outgoing and had tons of friends back home. Chances are though, if you find your cozy niche in a small, private, all-girls high school in a pack of stone-cold wierdos, you won't necessarily not find a similar or even improved niche in college (because college does give you a glorious and somewhat unique option of reinventing yourself), but it will probably be a lot harder. That goes back to #1, do your research and know thyself.
9. Traveled. I have traveled some, but I really wish I had taken one of those amazing positions at a hostel or on an organic farm abroad so I could immerse myself in a foreign culture and revel in the beauty of lostness. I'm actually a pretty adventurous person, despite my Type A personality, and I know that sort of thing would have been an amazing opportunity. Those things get harder to do when you graduate and have to get a big girl job.
10. Gotten an impractical hair style. Seriously, just so I could look at pictures of myself from the glory days with a BAMF hair style and show them to my grandchildren. "Guess what kids? Granny's always been a bad ass."
Luckily though, I'm not dead yet. And I intended to introduce as many of these corrections into my life as I can in my next and last year of college. Don't worry, I'll keep you updated on my progress :)
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Owning Feminism
I've been a stout feminist since I could spell the word. I grew up with parents that taught me to always value myself and defend what I believed in. My mother introduced me to spirituality and ritual that honors and reveres divine feminine energy. Clearly, the road to owning my feminism wasn't destined to be hard. And over the past year or two I've really started exploring exactly what it means to me to be a feminist. I mean, people have treated that word with pride, fear, disdain, reverence-I've seen it all. But do those people, even those who view feminism kindly, participate in much introspection about what the concept means to them? So many people treat it like some outdated, stodgy subject of academia, not like the living, breathing drive that it is. In my search for what other people tell us feminism means, I've developed a firmer grasp on what it is to me, and what I hope it can be for future generations of women.
Firstly, let me explain that my infatuation with feminism blossomed into love when I saw the movie "Iron Jawed Angels" with Hillary Swank. If you haven't seen it, you need to. Seriously, Hillary is a fucking rock star as my idol, Alice Paul, and I dare you to not feel moved during the scenes of the protests in front of the White House. Powerful stuff. But I digress. The movie chronicles the struggles Alice Paul and co. endured trying to push women's suffrage as an amendment to the constitution at the beginning of the 20th century. Seeing the trials those women endured in their tireless struggle for ALL women, not just themselves, brought to life on screen reminded of a Greek proverb I'm rather fond of: Society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. When you realize the sacrifices someone who didn't know you made for your sake, it's not possible to feel anything except immense, inexpressible gratitude. And a sense that you owe them something; you owe it to them to take advantage of every opportunity they helped give you and every opportunity they didn't have available to them.
So fast-forward 100 years later and where are we? Scrapping and clawing tooth and nail (and in some cases-not) to hold onto rights that have been affirmed in our country 30-40 years plus. Listening to Rush Limbaugh call Sandra Fluke a slut for demanding accessible reproductive health care for women (though I do have a theory that he is an undercover liberal. I mean all the publicity Fluke got because of that statement? We owe him such a muffin basket. Thanks Rush!). Don't even get me started on being subjected to vaginal ultrasounds in order to receive an abortion. And with what I DO choose to label as a War on Women still raging on, I see far too many women, too many willing and potential feminists, bitching and bickering among themselves about the right way to promote our cause. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! There is no perfect method for anything in our imperfect world! Why can't we come together, disagree perhaps, but support each other regardless because if we can't even support each other, how can we expect others to support us in promoting the rights of women? In the spirit of the always controversial Caitlin Moran, I'm going to say this: this world needs plurality! We can't going around always wondering, "Is everyone included? Is everyone happy? Is everything perfect?" That's statistically impossible. Still I don't believe there is any such thing as "special interests." In a world of interdependence, special interests are pure fallacy. If we want to succeed, we need to make sure others do as well. And because I truly believe in the power women can wield, especially when cooperating as a collective, I propose the following: Women everywhere need to forge ahead the best way they know how, and when other women notice a hole in their work, or a group not noticed, then they need to grab that as their opportunity to make change, instead of expecting others too and complaining when they don't. Stop being afraid of stepping on toes and get down, dirty, and abrasive. It's a great catalyst for change.
Which brings me to my final point. To me, feminism is about the love I have for myself and for other women. It's about celebrating and supporting one another's differences, while realizing and reveling in our similarities and the things that reaffirm our mutual work for equality. It helps me to realize my own dreams, and to remind me that no hurdle is too big. It's given me a deep appreciation for being a woman and all the good and bad things that coincide with such a privilege. It has opened my eyes to the power we hold as a collective and that we are not, as so many people have suggested over the years, a weaker or inferior sex. It gives me appreciation for all of the accomplishments of the women who have gone before us, and the determination needed for bettering this world for our daughters (and sons). Feminism, my friends, means everything.
Now these women knew the value of a little controversy:
Firstly, let me explain that my infatuation with feminism blossomed into love when I saw the movie "Iron Jawed Angels" with Hillary Swank. If you haven't seen it, you need to. Seriously, Hillary is a fucking rock star as my idol, Alice Paul, and I dare you to not feel moved during the scenes of the protests in front of the White House. Powerful stuff. But I digress. The movie chronicles the struggles Alice Paul and co. endured trying to push women's suffrage as an amendment to the constitution at the beginning of the 20th century. Seeing the trials those women endured in their tireless struggle for ALL women, not just themselves, brought to life on screen reminded of a Greek proverb I'm rather fond of: Society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. When you realize the sacrifices someone who didn't know you made for your sake, it's not possible to feel anything except immense, inexpressible gratitude. And a sense that you owe them something; you owe it to them to take advantage of every opportunity they helped give you and every opportunity they didn't have available to them.
So fast-forward 100 years later and where are we? Scrapping and clawing tooth and nail (and in some cases-not) to hold onto rights that have been affirmed in our country 30-40 years plus. Listening to Rush Limbaugh call Sandra Fluke a slut for demanding accessible reproductive health care for women (though I do have a theory that he is an undercover liberal. I mean all the publicity Fluke got because of that statement? We owe him such a muffin basket. Thanks Rush!). Don't even get me started on being subjected to vaginal ultrasounds in order to receive an abortion. And with what I DO choose to label as a War on Women still raging on, I see far too many women, too many willing and potential feminists, bitching and bickering among themselves about the right way to promote our cause. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! There is no perfect method for anything in our imperfect world! Why can't we come together, disagree perhaps, but support each other regardless because if we can't even support each other, how can we expect others to support us in promoting the rights of women? In the spirit of the always controversial Caitlin Moran, I'm going to say this: this world needs plurality! We can't going around always wondering, "Is everyone included? Is everyone happy? Is everything perfect?" That's statistically impossible. Still I don't believe there is any such thing as "special interests." In a world of interdependence, special interests are pure fallacy. If we want to succeed, we need to make sure others do as well. And because I truly believe in the power women can wield, especially when cooperating as a collective, I propose the following: Women everywhere need to forge ahead the best way they know how, and when other women notice a hole in their work, or a group not noticed, then they need to grab that as their opportunity to make change, instead of expecting others too and complaining when they don't. Stop being afraid of stepping on toes and get down, dirty, and abrasive. It's a great catalyst for change.
Which brings me to my final point. To me, feminism is about the love I have for myself and for other women. It's about celebrating and supporting one another's differences, while realizing and reveling in our similarities and the things that reaffirm our mutual work for equality. It helps me to realize my own dreams, and to remind me that no hurdle is too big. It's given me a deep appreciation for being a woman and all the good and bad things that coincide with such a privilege. It has opened my eyes to the power we hold as a collective and that we are not, as so many people have suggested over the years, a weaker or inferior sex. It gives me appreciation for all of the accomplishments of the women who have gone before us, and the determination needed for bettering this world for our daughters (and sons). Feminism, my friends, means everything.
Now these women knew the value of a little controversy:
Saturday, January 19, 2013
These are a few of my favorite things, OR: My life explained by social media...
I do aim for this to be primarily a politically focused blog, but sometimes, it's healthy just to laugh and appreciate that you are not alone. Besides, I know I am not the only party guilty of using the phrase, "Oh my god, last night I saw this thing on Pinterest/Twitter/Facebook..." So here's a snapshot of my life online:
And of course, the one that rings the most true:
I'm proud of my state...Mostly
Prize Thoroughbreds. Genuine bourbon. The "New Portland." What's not to love about Kentucky? Oh yeah, this guy:
Rand Paul started campaigning when I was a freshmen in college. This may have been the same year I made quite a few regrettable decisions myself (I'm looking at you Natty Ice and well vodka), but even through the freshmen year haze I knew this was ominous. And now, after several comments over the past couple of years that made a Democrat such as myself more than a bit embarrassed to claim voter-ship in this great state, Rand Paul gave us this "gem" yesterday. Beautiful.
The poor people of Newtown have all been victims of a horrific crime. Even those who did not lose a loved one in the shooting lost their sense of security. So now, on top of that mental warfare, they are forced to hear about why MORE guns are the solution to all of their problems. Soldiers and police officers go through hours and hours of intensive training to prepare them to react in such situations, and even they cannot respond perfectly in such a situation. Do we really want to put that pressure on the people who are trying to encourage learning, inspiration, and innovation in our country's future? Do we want our children growing up in a society that is more comfortable with guns? One that starts to see violence as inevitable? I think not.
The fact is, tragedies happen. And there's never any good reason why. No explanation that could ever justify, reverse, or just make these senseless crimes OK with us. But maybe if we're more PRO-active instead of RE-active, we can stop history from repeating itself. Adam Lanza was a sick man. I am in no way justifying the horrors he committed at Sandy Hook; my heart aches for all those parents who lost an angel this past December. But no healthy person could even conceive such an abhorrence. And instead of encouraging more guns, I want to encourage more treatment and a different attitude toward mental illness in our country. Maybe then we can find a way to prevent a future Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech, or Columbine. Doesn't that sound better than asking school teachers to try shooting a future Adam Lanza, Seung-Hui Cho, or Eric Harris or Dylan Klebold?
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