A few comments on growing up with special needs and the kindness of strangers

Having a sibling with special needs isn't the Greek tragedy a lot of people think. There can be a lot of positives, it was during one of Beau's many hospitalizations that I had the inspiration that would lead me to my calling as a nurse. But its not exactly easy all the same. There's a little wound that you usually coverup from most people, but that runs so deep it could practically drill through your bones. And at the center of that wound is a guilt you can't logically justify, but that doesn't ever go away. I think the only way to do it is to open up the wound you try so hard to keep scabbed over and scrape the infected edges, completely clean it out- like an IND for your soul. I love my little brother in a way I can't explain to anybody, though I'm pretty sure my older brother understands. But some days are harder than others. Today was one of those days. And to the women who asked me if we were all ok, thank you. I'm sorry if I snapped at you. I was too emotionally overwhelmed to accept your compassion, but I appreciate it all the same. I wish you nothing but all the goodness and love you could have in this world. So if you ever see a family like ours struggling, thank you for your kind words. Never doubt that they make things better, even if we don't say so.

Surprise! Life happens...

Now, to get back on track...
Sunday: I'm greatful for catching up on sleep. On all the sleeps
Monday: I'm grateful for Moe Monday. Those folks know burritos
Tuesday: I'm grateful to have a flexible boss
Wednesday: I'm grateful to get out of class early!!! It made my day
Thursday: I'm grateful to be a part of life-saving measures and for teachers who encourage me to ask questions.
Friday: I'm thankful to be on my way to Disney World and for friends who are there to remind me what's really important.
Saturday: I'm most grateful for the kindness of strangers, even when I'm not in an emotionally appropriate place to receive it.

Week 3... Eek! I'm running behind

Monday: I'm grateful for ice to cancel bullshit classes that I don't have to make up.
Tuesday: I'm grateful for wine dance parties with my bestie
Wednesday: I'm grateful for no hangovers from said wine dance parties and awesome sledding adventure with aforementioned bestie.
Thursday: I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn and network with some fabulous nurses on a wonderfully managed unit.
Friday: I'm grateful for my understanding and insightful mother who is totally comfortable calling me on my bullshit
Saturday: I'm grateful for my brother and sister-in-law who let me see my amazing nephew whenever I want.
Sunday: I'm grateful for mimosas and brunch with my mom, new books, and a yearning to live and thrive.

Week 2 of gratitude

Monday: I'm grateful that I got a 98% predictability rate of passing NCLEX on my first try on the CPE. I'm also grateful for the opportunity to meet a possible mentor.
Tuesday: I'm grateful for having a first great day on the unit with my Capstone preceptor, who is a fucking G.
Wednesday: I'm grateful for being prepped and acing my first critical care exam
Thursday: I'm grateful for short lines at the little clinic and for phenergan. Even when you're sick with a stomach bug there's something to be grateful for.
Friday: I'm grateful to be able to see my beautiful and intelligent little nephew every weekday morning before he goes to day care. Seriously, he's way smarter than your dumb kid. And he's funny. And adorable. Seriously, your genetic spawn has zero chance at competing with that gift from the gods.
Saturday: I'm grateful to almost be back in fighting form after a minor set back with gastroenteritis.
Sunday: I'm grateful for lazy days and lots of coffee

Daily Dose of Gratitude

Chances are plenty of people have seen the inspiring story of an Australian woman who turned her life around in only a year simply by starting with her own thoughts (link to the story is posted below). This woman, Lynne Scrivens, made the changes she desperately hoped to achieve through gratitude. She was the living embodiment of, "The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but building the new." Which, for those of you who might not recognize the quote, is from Socrates (I mean, according to Pinterest. I really have no clue). This woman decided to take steer her focus and her thoughts toward what was going right, what was positive in her life, and welcoming more positive energy in. All it required of her was posting one facebook status a day about what she was grateful for. That's something that literally takes less time than posting that cat video on your friend's timeline, or posting 20. Let's be honest, posting one cat video is like eating one potato chip- even Olympic gold medalists don't have that level of self control.

So many of us struggle to accept the simple truth (I'm certainly guilty of it) that our thoughts really are the only thing in this world that we can control. Our kids may rebel, the weather may turn, and even dictators may find that the ones they've suppressed for so long now refuse to be stepped on. But our thoughts are 100%, absolutely, genuinely ours. I really do believe what pretty much every motivational speaker and 85% of the people on the Oprah channel love to tell us until they're blue in the face: our thoughts control our future. It's such an obvious and uncomplicated thing, that as a whole I think a lot of us are reluctant to accept it's validity.

But not me. At least not anymore. I've decided to take a leaf out of Lynne Scrivens' book and make time to think every day about what I'm grateful for. I'll be positing these thoughts weekly on this blog. So here's to a wonderful, and positive, new year.

Week 1

Monday: I'm grateful for caregivers that genuinely care about my little brother and always go the extra mile for him.

Tuesday: I'm grateful for snow days at home with my mom, brother, and nephew.
Wednesday: I'm grateful for my baby brother, Beau. Beau's 19 and not a baby anymore, but he still has cerebral palsy. Just like the day he was born. He drives me nuts sometimes, especially when he acts like the snide and opinionated teenager he is, but this video just reminded me of everything else he is. He's my fucking rock and center. I can't really say I don't know where I'd be without him, because I've spent a lot of time in reflection and becoming the self-realized person I am. I have a pretty good idea of who I would have been without his perfect soul in his imperfect package, and I don't like that person. I don't tell him nearly enough, but he's the mother fuckin' tits. You know when in the video when he says that his life would be nothing without her? It may sound cliche, and hyberbolic, and just untrue, but there is no more sincere sentiment I could give about him. He's given my life purpose and direction and I will never stop owing my crooked little man every day for the rest of my crooked little life.
http://www.faithit.com/hed-take-a-bullet-for-her-sister-brother-beautiful-relationship-disability/
Thursday: I'm thankful for my inspirational and brilliant mother. She pushes me everyday to see the world for it's multitude of possibilities and to never, ever settle. I can't imagine a more supportive best friend.
Friday: I'm grateful for my job, which takes very little of my time and gives me paid study time!
Saturday: I'm grateful for friends who make studying for a tough test exponentially more amusing and bearable than studying by myself.
Sunday: I'm grateful for semi-warm days in the middle of the polar vortex so that I can enjoy a warm walk in the park.

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/how-a-year-of--grateful--facebook-posts-changed-this-woman-s-life-190520260.html