A few comments on growing up with special needs and the kindness of strangers

Having a sibling with special needs isn't the Greek tragedy a lot of people think. There can be a lot of positives, it was during one of Beau's many hospitalizations that I had the inspiration that would lead me to my calling as a nurse. But its not exactly easy all the same. There's a little wound that you usually coverup from most people, but that runs so deep it could practically drill through your bones. And at the center of that wound is a guilt you can't logically justify, but that doesn't ever go away. I think the only way to do it is to open up the wound you try so hard to keep scabbed over and scrape the infected edges, completely clean it out- like an IND for your soul. I love my little brother in a way I can't explain to anybody, though I'm pretty sure my older brother understands. But some days are harder than others. Today was one of those days. And to the women who asked me if we were all ok, thank you. I'm sorry if I snapped at you. I was too emotionally overwhelmed to accept your compassion, but I appreciate it all the same. I wish you nothing but all the goodness and love you could have in this world. So if you ever see a family like ours struggling, thank you for your kind words. Never doubt that they make things better, even if we don't say so.

Surprise! Life happens...

Now, to get back on track...
Sunday: I'm greatful for catching up on sleep. On all the sleeps
Monday: I'm grateful for Moe Monday. Those folks know burritos
Tuesday: I'm grateful to have a flexible boss
Wednesday: I'm grateful to get out of class early!!! It made my day
Thursday: I'm grateful to be a part of life-saving measures and for teachers who encourage me to ask questions.
Friday: I'm thankful to be on my way to Disney World and for friends who are there to remind me what's really important.
Saturday: I'm most grateful for the kindness of strangers, even when I'm not in an emotionally appropriate place to receive it.

Week 3... Eek! I'm running behind

Monday: I'm grateful for ice to cancel bullshit classes that I don't have to make up.
Tuesday: I'm grateful for wine dance parties with my bestie
Wednesday: I'm grateful for no hangovers from said wine dance parties and awesome sledding adventure with aforementioned bestie.
Thursday: I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn and network with some fabulous nurses on a wonderfully managed unit.
Friday: I'm grateful for my understanding and insightful mother who is totally comfortable calling me on my bullshit
Saturday: I'm grateful for my brother and sister-in-law who let me see my amazing nephew whenever I want.
Sunday: I'm grateful for mimosas and brunch with my mom, new books, and a yearning to live and thrive.

Week 2 of gratitude

Monday: I'm grateful that I got a 98% predictability rate of passing NCLEX on my first try on the CPE. I'm also grateful for the opportunity to meet a possible mentor.
Tuesday: I'm grateful for having a first great day on the unit with my Capstone preceptor, who is a fucking G.
Wednesday: I'm grateful for being prepped and acing my first critical care exam
Thursday: I'm grateful for short lines at the little clinic and for phenergan. Even when you're sick with a stomach bug there's something to be grateful for.
Friday: I'm grateful to be able to see my beautiful and intelligent little nephew every weekday morning before he goes to day care. Seriously, he's way smarter than your dumb kid. And he's funny. And adorable. Seriously, your genetic spawn has zero chance at competing with that gift from the gods.
Saturday: I'm grateful to almost be back in fighting form after a minor set back with gastroenteritis.
Sunday: I'm grateful for lazy days and lots of coffee

Daily Dose of Gratitude

Chances are plenty of people have seen the inspiring story of an Australian woman who turned her life around in only a year simply by starting with her own thoughts (link to the story is posted below). This woman, Lynne Scrivens, made the changes she desperately hoped to achieve through gratitude. She was the living embodiment of, "The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but building the new." Which, for those of you who might not recognize the quote, is from Socrates (I mean, according to Pinterest. I really have no clue). This woman decided to take steer her focus and her thoughts toward what was going right, what was positive in her life, and welcoming more positive energy in. All it required of her was posting one facebook status a day about what she was grateful for. That's something that literally takes less time than posting that cat video on your friend's timeline, or posting 20. Let's be honest, posting one cat video is like eating one potato chip- even Olympic gold medalists don't have that level of self control.

So many of us struggle to accept the simple truth (I'm certainly guilty of it) that our thoughts really are the only thing in this world that we can control. Our kids may rebel, the weather may turn, and even dictators may find that the ones they've suppressed for so long now refuse to be stepped on. But our thoughts are 100%, absolutely, genuinely ours. I really do believe what pretty much every motivational speaker and 85% of the people on the Oprah channel love to tell us until they're blue in the face: our thoughts control our future. It's such an obvious and uncomplicated thing, that as a whole I think a lot of us are reluctant to accept it's validity.

But not me. At least not anymore. I've decided to take a leaf out of Lynne Scrivens' book and make time to think every day about what I'm grateful for. I'll be positing these thoughts weekly on this blog. So here's to a wonderful, and positive, new year.

Week 1

Monday: I'm grateful for caregivers that genuinely care about my little brother and always go the extra mile for him.

Tuesday: I'm grateful for snow days at home with my mom, brother, and nephew.
Wednesday: I'm grateful for my baby brother, Beau. Beau's 19 and not a baby anymore, but he still has cerebral palsy. Just like the day he was born. He drives me nuts sometimes, especially when he acts like the snide and opinionated teenager he is, but this video just reminded me of everything else he is. He's my fucking rock and center. I can't really say I don't know where I'd be without him, because I've spent a lot of time in reflection and becoming the self-realized person I am. I have a pretty good idea of who I would have been without his perfect soul in his imperfect package, and I don't like that person. I don't tell him nearly enough, but he's the mother fuckin' tits. You know when in the video when he says that his life would be nothing without her? It may sound cliche, and hyberbolic, and just untrue, but there is no more sincere sentiment I could give about him. He's given my life purpose and direction and I will never stop owing my crooked little man every day for the rest of my crooked little life.
http://www.faithit.com/hed-take-a-bullet-for-her-sister-brother-beautiful-relationship-disability/
Thursday: I'm thankful for my inspirational and brilliant mother. She pushes me everyday to see the world for it's multitude of possibilities and to never, ever settle. I can't imagine a more supportive best friend.
Friday: I'm grateful for my job, which takes very little of my time and gives me paid study time!
Saturday: I'm grateful for friends who make studying for a tough test exponentially more amusing and bearable than studying by myself.
Sunday: I'm grateful for semi-warm days in the middle of the polar vortex so that I can enjoy a warm walk in the park.

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/how-a-year-of--grateful--facebook-posts-changed-this-woman-s-life-190520260.html

Making a "big deal" out of sexism and respect: The retweet that sparked a senatorial campaign battle

We've all heard about the controversy between Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and his opposition in the next election, Alison Lundergan Grimes. NSRC junior staffer retweeted an offense video of Grimes with her face superimposed over that of "Obama Girl" and the shit storm ensued. Jesse Benton, the campaign manager for McConnell said in a conference call with reporters Wednesday that the McConnell campaign does not condone the tweet and that it shouldn't have been sent. An NSRC spokeswoman also called the tweet, "extremely offensive" and assured the country that the staffer responsible had been disciplined and that they had taken steps to ensure this sort of thing never happens again. Talk about damage control... kind of. Some Republicans have actually acused Grimes of using the tweet a a red herring in order to avoid talking about the "real issues." Still no word on whether or not they realize that mocking an opponent in such a manner is distracting from the "real issues" that they love so dearly. (Side note, have you ever noticed how the "real issues" is a term people love to use when they want to get back to whatever they want to talk about, a sort of red herring in itself? People often love to throw that around as a less obvious way to redirect conversation away from something uncomfortable). One McConnell supporter really seems to sporting an itch in her asscrack about this alleged distraction: Ellen Williams. The former state Republican Party Chairwoman is legitimately lashing out against Grimes for her offense at "some tweet" and accusing her of making a "big deal" out of it. My response? Yeah, maybe she is making a "big deal" out of it, AS SHE SHOULD!

Hear me out: Women have been fighting for hundreds of years to be respected as individuals and as equals. Not as just someone's daughter, wife, mother, or sexual object. Alison Grimes has just as much right as any man to get out there, kick some ass, and fight the fight she truly believes in. And she should be able to do so without feeling objectified, derided, or essentially negated as a person for her gender. Because that's what has happened here. Someone said, "Sorry Alison, I don't care for your politics, so I feel the need to make a mockery of your entire gender." These are the sort of messages young women everywhere are getting; that if you try to break through and follow your dreams in a largely male dominated field (or any field, even) you will be treated as a joke and subjected to humiliation and ridicule not because of your talent, but because of your chromosomes. It's not just Alison that is owed an apology, (and I mean a genuine apology, none of this "I don't condone blah blah blah" nonsense) it's women everywhere. We matter. Our sexuality is not something that you can make a joke out of and then blame us for "making a big deal" out of. This is a perpetuation of the misogynistic claims of "female hysteria". Yeah, that male driven diagnosis didn't die in the early 20th century and if you think it did you're kidding yourself. I will not be shamed into silence with the looming threat of the "C word" That's right: crazy. Hysterical. Over-reaction. I'm taking a stand. I won't stand idly by while Grimes or any other woman is being bullied and shamed for reacting. It is not crazy to demand respect. It is not crazy to expect equality. It is not crazy to rail against constructs that prevent these basic human rights from being achieved.

It's time for sexism to be ridiculed and derided. It's time for us to say that is enough is enough, and we're ready and willing to stand up for change.

I should work for Buzzfeed: 30 Signs You're a Nursing Student

Hey, what's up? My name is Perpetually Late! Would you like to see a blog post? Yeah?
...
Get it? No? Meh, my sense of humor doesn't always translate well online. The moral of the story is I'm late like always and I'm pretty sure I forgot a post or two somewhere along the way. Are you really late though if you're always late? I mean, eventually your friends and family just learn to always count on you being there 15 minutes after you say you will, so it's pretty much the same as being on time, right?

Anyways it's the most maddening, hectic, exciting, weird time of the year! Back to school. Parents are dancing a jig at 9 AM in their empty houses and kids are still excited about their wicked cool Batman lunchbox. But what about those of us in upper division professional programs? Not psyched and already praying for Christmas Break. I was thinking about this distinction (between Kindergarten through our first couple years of undergrad) and I thought to myself, "Self, why is that?" and then I was like, "Excellent question. Because fuck nursing school, that's why."

Yes, it is exciting to be moving into adult life with so much hope and promise, but this last hurdle is a particularly excruciating one. And in the spirit of a Buzzfeed journalist, I'd like to explain why:

1. When you get accepted and you're like, "Shit, I actually have to do this now."



2. When your parents and relatives ask you if you're enjoying nursing school you just pause...



3. You hear this question: "If my (insert body part) is (insert verb or injury) is that bad/fatal/indicative of a serious ailment?" More and more from friends and family as you go through your program, and this is generally your reaction...

4. You make this face when your clinical instructor asks if you heard that irregular heart sound...


5. But when they turn around...



6. Learning to give injections was one of the most exhilarating and terrifying times in your life because you finally felt like you were becoming a real nurse



7. Until you volunteered to help with an immunization clinic, and you started to feel like this when you had to give one...



8. Everyone did this before their first skills check off...



9. But made this face after your first semester when you saw new students doing the same thing



10. You neglected your health while simultaneously learning how to take care of others' health



11. But it's OK because you're totally on top of that shit... as soon as you graduate



12. Finals week saw some potentially dangerous experimentation with caffeine



13. You had at least one person in your cohort who acted like this



And/Or this...



14. And irritated the fuck out of everyone else





15. Getting creepy while practicing assessment on your classmates was often the funniest part of your week...





16. But none of your friends in other majors "get" your funny nursing school stories
'

17. Your friends and significant other also don't "get" how much time nursing school takes up, even when you're not in class


18. Nothing chaps your ass worse than having more confusing tests, and a tougher grading scale

19. How you feel when med students try to act like they're better than you...



20. You forget sometimes that describing disgusting stories over a meal is not entirely appropriate



21. We have to do another care plan?!?!



22. Having to learn specific ways to ask a question so you can get the health information you want from a patient can be fracking frustrating



23. When friends in other majors complain about having two exams in a week...



24. When a friend or acquaintance majoring in Communications starts complaining about how "hard" their course load is...



25. Basically this is one of the most stressful times in your life...



26. But you've developed your own methods of coping...





27. Most of the time you feel like no one has any fucking clue about what's going on in class, especially the professors



28. And you have at least one of these moments... a week


29. This is when you feel like you're gonna graduate...



30. But stay calm my friend because there is a light at the end of the tunnel... I hope





P.S. I didn't own/make/generate/copyright any of these memes or GIFs. I'm not that tech savvy and if you thought I was you're a chump.